OH wow. How dead is this place. Obviously, I'm back from NS and boy was it an experience. Nothing significant in NS tho except that I'm darker.. i mean Tanner now. :) Well.. I made a promise to myself that i wont lie anymore. Here it is. Its over. She's Done with me. It's all my fault. My mistake and my actions that led to this. I really have no idea how the hell I'm gonna get thru this. Whatever i do. Wherever i go.. its with her. but now I'm all alone.Nobody to pour out my feelings to. Nobody to Go out shopping with. Nobody to help me check if my clothes fit when I'm looking for something for myself. nobody to confide to. I'm sorry blog for ignoring you but can i please have you to talk to again?

I'm certainly not gonna lie like i mention above. Depression. It ain't pretty but its mild. Should i be thankful for it? I'm already grateful that i almost manage to go Zoukout with her this year. but turns out she has some last min plans. Its okay I understand. She has new priorities now. New boyfie, drives and also treats her well. I'm glad she's happy tho. No, really i am. I guess her healing was quicker than i thought it would. Guess I'm not so lucky. I gonna isolate my depression as much as i can. Whenever I'm alone. I'll get all this guilt, regrets and sad thoughts all over again. Like how Marti and Dan are friends no matter what and even tho I would never suffice to it. I wanna be thankful and Grateful for the past three years.

During Marching in Tekong there's this song i would have goosebumps every time i sing it makes my depression urging to bulge out from my chest. Its awesome and makes me feel alive every time i shout it out i would reminisce

Coldwind Blows :

In the early morning march
With a field pack on my back
And an aching in my heart
And my body full of sweat
I'm a long long way from home
And I miss my lover so
In the early morning march
When the cold wind blows
When the cold wind blows
When the cold wind blows
When the cold wind blows
When the cold wind blows
I know I know
You have to go
SO hurry back home
I miss you so..